I had Christmas on Monday with my family. With my sister being over 8 months pregnant, we decided to come her instead of leave her out. Unfortunately the plans were for the most part snowed out. But as Garrison Keillor so accurately stated this past weekend quoting John Lennon. "'Life is what happens when we're busy making other plans', people had made plans... those plans had change, and now they are experiencing life." I experienced a lot of life.
On Friday, I managed to convince my boss to let me leave about 4 hours early in an attempt to get to Staunton before the weather got too bad. Unfortunately, the snow came in a little faster and harder than we had expected, so after 3 hours of driving as it was getting dark, I was only halfway there. So with the assistance of my sister and my girlfriend, I managed to find a hotel and settled in for the night. I spent the night there alone and became increasingly frustrated when my plans of continuing on the next day were shot by both continuing snow and large amounts of traffic and backups on 81. However, staying in the hotel for that time allowed for a lot of time for meditation.
A few things that really challenged me. My girlfriend said something particularly striking, possibly out of frustration, but I still see a lot of truth in it. I was lamenting being stuck here and how the snow was ruining my last Christmas before I come out to them and everything will change etc etc. She responded "i'm a little frustrated you get to bitch about making bad choices you knew had risks. and i'm a little frustrated feeling like just existing makes your life bad enough you'd put your own life in danger so you could feel what it's like not to acknowledge yourself or me. "
and yeah. that hurt, but it made me think. It made me feel a little guilty that I was trying to salvage this facade of a family christmas. On top of that, my parents were incredibly supportive and showed nothing but love to me while I was trying to get there. I think the weekend proved that we love each other, and those bonds are going to be hard if not impossible to break. My sister who has known for almost 6 months now, absolutely loves me, and I don't feel any awkwardness for the most part unless we're having a particularly awkward conversation. But even those are getting better, more open. It's part me being more ok, and it's part her understanding more.

I'm not quite there yet, but I'm feeling better and better all the time.