I realize that this is a public blog. I also realize that nobody reads it, and if you do you're not letting me know, so you might as well not be there.
I am in counseling. So far we have discussed...
-me not being totally comfortable with who I am (a lesbian)
-me desiring a type of spirituality and probably a spiritual community
-the fact that it is ok to not be ready to tell my family
-that I am good enough and worthy of a full and healthy life including relationships and spirituality
-that my aunt is a huge blessing to me and will be there to fight for me, stand up, and intervene when I can't
-that my sister may be a valuable ally

Outside of counseling I have noticed many things.
I don't feel guilty like I used to. I don't feel pressure to be out to my family now. They probably guess a little bit. There are people who are Christians, even growing up in the same line of teaching that I grew up in, who do not condemn me to hell. I shouldn't feel unworthy of finding spirituality and I should embrace it, but slowly perhaps.

And sadly, I realized that whenever I see a customer at work who is wearing a blatant Jesus related shirt, it makes me a little scared/nervous/uncomfortable. and that makes me sad for the legacy of Jesus.